hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
