I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
