you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
