Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Houston, we have a squirter
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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