Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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