dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize