i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
sex in a hospital.. check
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
