Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You smell like stripper and shame
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
