I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
