I want you more than these girls want KFC
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
