It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
