turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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