I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
