well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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