why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
