Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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