Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
