..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
