Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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