I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Randomize
