put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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