I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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