ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
