Porn is love you can see.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
