Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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