He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
