i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
