maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
