Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
