I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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