i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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