dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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