I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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