If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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