He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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