why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
