sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Randomize
