last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
