what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
They took my balls.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
