You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
