i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
