Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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