Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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