great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
