some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
