Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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