So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
