imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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