I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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