I got chris browned last night
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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