Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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