but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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