Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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