just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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