Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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