Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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