I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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