I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
