oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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