I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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