Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
