I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
