Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
