Apparently you make a good broom.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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