Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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