4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
