The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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