I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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