I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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