my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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