i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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