ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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