this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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